Once again, the FB world is full of posts reminding us that not every female on the planet will have a Happy Mothers' Day, that we should not assume motherhood is the highest aspiration of every female, that not all of us had saintly mothers.
I get it. As a woman who struggled with infertility, for whom Mothers' Day was quite literally the Worst Day of the Year (I even created a Mothers' Day liturgy by that title), I know it's hard. As a pastor who has walked with people struggling with deep psychic and spiritual wounds inflicted by cruel mothers, I understand. As someone who has a loving but still sometimes challenging relationship with her own mother, I'm realistic. But really, can we all just lighten up a little bit?
I know that Mothers' Day has become a commercial bonanza...Diamonds for Mom? Really? But so has Christmas, and very few people are in favor of pretending it doesn't exist. And since Mothers' Day began as a call to MOTHERS to stand against war, so I think it has some pretty decent roots worth celebrating.
And mothering is not an easy job to do at all; very few of us do it perfectly. I used to celebrate Mother's Day by making it the one day of the year on which I refused to do laundry. Since I've always worked on Sundays since my kids were old enough to pour cereal into a bowl, I've never had breakfast in bed on Mother's Day (nor any other day on which I wasn't sick). Heaven knows I was far from a perfect mother -- probably even from being an above average mother. But even being an average mother is hard work, and Mom deserves a word of thanks for that; and if Hallmark has to remind us to do that, it says something about OUR self-focus and not their greed.
If your biological mom or your legal mom was an abject failure, I truly, truly am sorry. And I'm pretty sure that there was probably some woman, a grandmother, an aunt, a teacher, a neighbor, who took you in and nurtured you so that you grew up to know what was desirable in a mother. If you weren't able to have children, if you lost children, my heart breaks for you. I have wept those tears. And surely there are children out there that you know who need someone to just love them and encourage them without expecting anything back. If your children have special needs that make it impossible for them to make a paper flower or sign a card or dial a phone, I know that you weep for dreams that will never be fulfilled...and that you love them with all your heart none the less.
And if you never had the desire to be a mother, and followed through on that inclination, I applaud you! A lot of bad mothering was done by women who were forced into motherhood by social expectations -- you did us all a favor by being true to your soul.
The point is, I guess, that mothers are imperfect and kids are imperfect and we rarely have relationships that are mirrored in the commercial world. "May your Mother's Day as complicated as our relationship...Sometimes I love you." "You're a mediocre Mom, but I know you're doing your best." No one gets out of this world without their heart being broken. If we outlawed every holiday that someone else found hard to deal with there would never be any celebrations in our world. And God knows we need celebration. Sometimes we need to celebrate with and for others even when we can't celebrate for ourselves. For their sake. Because that's what being human is all about.
By the way, I'm the kind of person who refuses to repost those statuses that demand that you share them if you have a heart, if you love your country, if you want to go to Heaven, if you are proud of your children...I HATE being told that I have to do something to prove that I am who I am. So if you don't want to wish anyone a Happy Mother's Day because your own mom is dead or was awful or because you can't be a mom or lost a child...don't. And if you do celebrate in some way, don't shame the people who don't. But do find some way to share some love and gratitude and joy. Because without it life is pretty grim.
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