I didn't hear the entire blurb...I was on the treadmill and towards the end of my "running" episode, so I may not have heard well. But the promo for Doctor Phil was about Identifying the lies that you tell yourself that keep you from achieving your dreams. It captured my attention and got me thinking. What lies do I tell myself?
Now, I consider myself to be a person of integrity. I may try to do so as gently as possible, but I will tell you the truth. But it is obvious that I do not tell myself the truth because I sabotage myself when I try to achieve certain goals. I don't realize it as I'm doing it, but only in retrospect, so I don't seem to find a way to NOT do it.
So I started thinking about it seriously. What lies do I tell myself? Overnight it occurred to me: I tell myself "I'll do this later."
I come in the house and lay things down on the counter and say, "I'll take care of this later." Mail, coupons, items that need to be fixed, items that need to be stored somewhere else...There's something I know I'll need in a day or a week or more, and I say, "Well, I'll need this later, so I'll just leave it till then." When "Then" comes, of course, I can't find it.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. And I've spent years saying, "I'll start the diet Monday...after the holidays...after the vacation..." I'll take care of this later. But of course, later never comes.
To be perfectly honest, I've been a procrastinator all my life. I was born 17 days after my predicted due date. I was always typing college papers at 3 o'clock in the morning, driving to the 24 hour post-office at 11 at night to make sure my graduate work was postmarked on the day it was due, finishing tax forms on April 15, buying Christmas presents on December 24. But I never realized how much I acted like Scarlett O'Hara ("Fiddle-dee-dee! I'll think about that tomorrow!") until I realized there was an actual lie I was telling myself.
So I made a commitment to myself. Anytime I catch myself saying, "I'll take care of this later" (silently or aloud) I say, "No. Do it now." And if it's not possible to do it now, I make an appointment with myself, a time when I will do it, an appointment with myself. And I write it down to make it more real.
Today I realized I was telling myself another lie. I think it might be the lie that leads to "I'll take care of this later." It's "Today doesn't count." So cheating on the diet is okay because "it doesn't count." Deciding not to exercise is okay because "it doesn't count." If I don't keep the promises I make to myself to do that filing or write that letter or mow the lawn, "it doesn't count."
But of course, it DOES count. It counts because the broken promises are manifested in chaos and disappointment and dissatisfaction. It counts because I lose respect for myself for the failure and for the lie, a lie I wouldn't dream of speaking to anyone else. And as a very wise friend of mine observed, it denies the reality that this is the only moment in which I can make a change, or in which, for a fact, I can exist fully, live abundantly. Today is the only day I have, and it is the day that shapes tomorrow.
I am convinced that there are a few more lies hidden inside, so I'm going to post them again when I recognize them. How about you, what your YOUR lies?
