My grandmother used to get up early. She would sit in the bathroom and say her rosary.
My grandparents never had a lot of space. They only owned one house in their lives, a little one bedroom bungalow, and once my mother married and left home they only rented one bedroom places. But they were never in a studio apartment; why she didn't sit in the living room or at the kitchen table, I have no idea. Maybe she thought he might wake up and walk through on her (though he must have had a great bladder if he wouldn't bother her in the bathroom!).
But more and more I appreciate the desparate desire to find a place to be alone with yourself first thing in the morning. Let me state the obvious: I have NEVER been a Morning Person. As a kid I would lay in bed as long as possible to avoid getting up - mostly because I had been reading by the night light surreptitiously, long after my designated bedtime. Even as an adult, I find that I need either to wash my face or to have a cup of coffee before I can do more than acknowledge your presence with a wave. When my kids were young my daughter was an early riser, and I have vague memories of stumbling around the kitchen to feed them, but the first thing I did each morning was to start the brew.
These days I have discovered that I am able to wake up a little earlier if I can have some alone time. It's almost as if my Self, my Susan-ness, wakes up separately from my body and I need time to reconnect the two, to become whole. Force me to talk or even pay attention to conversation and it's like trying to jam a hat into a stuffed suitcase: it can be done, but it's an unpleasant process and it's never as attractive as it was in the beginning.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Seriously????
No hidden agendas here. In the name of transparency, I will declare it:
I am a Feminist.
To me, being a feminist means that you trust women to make decisions about their life choices and you don't set boundaries as to what they can attempt (unless it defies the rules of biology or physics -- things like flying or growing a third arm, though many a child will attest to a mother's ability to grow eyes in the back of her head). It means that you expect a woman to be responsible for herself and to be a complete, whole person who does not need anyone's permission to do what she believes is best, right, good.
As a woman who has spent her life in a profession that was traditionally a male occupation, I've dealt with a number of people who told me I couldn't do what I do because I'm not a man. They don't know what they're talking about. When I first began in ministry I had a colleague ask me, "Do you deal with feminist issues?" to which my immediate response was, "I AM a feminist issue!"
On the other hand, because I am involved in a fairly traditional institution, I have people who assume that I accept all traditional boundaries and gender stereotypes. Another colleague once said to me, "I don't want to offend you, but that sounds like a feminist attitude", to which my response was, "Oh, I am not offended! I am PROUD to be a feminist!" He didn't know how to respond.
I use the capital F because I am greatly offended by people who sneer at women who fight to expand the boundaries of choice, who refer to them as "femi-nazis" and think that feminist is a synonym for godless. I use the capital F because I want you to see the descriptor. The F is a scarlet letter in a lot of circles, and like Hester Prinne, I wear it without shame.
With that disclaimer in place I join in what should be a conversation but has become a battle of sound-bites about what are politely called "reproductive issues" but are, in my opinion, a battle over who has control of a woman's body in general and reproductive system specifically.
To me the current furor over definitions of rape, questions of if/when abortion should be legally available, and whether or not women are competent to make decisions about birth control is insulting, demeaning and at its core, misogynistic.
You don't need to have sex at the point of a gun barrel or a knife to consider it "assault". Any woman who's ever been pinned down under a man who outweighed her by 50 pounds knows that there are moments of terror when you realize you are not going to be able to stop him if he decides he's going to take you. It is not consent if you freeze or even if you give in to avoid being beaten into submission, or if you have been drugged, or are 12 years old.
To imply that any woman who finds herself "inconveniently" pregnant will cry rape to get an abortion unless you close that avenue is the very antithesis of compassion, not to mention common sense. Rape is about power and shame, not sex. Very few women willingly identify themselves as victims of rape when they HAVE been assaulted, let alone done it to get through some legal loophole. Yes, I have heard that there have been false accusations of rape. But I don't know anyone who's ever done it, so it must not be true (right, congressman?). And I believe that to force a woman to carry a rape-initiated pregnancy to term against her will is tantamount to slavery. It is to punish the victim in a way that is cruel and counter to the concept of justice.
I will say that I personally cannot imagine having an abortion. But I know women who have had them for reasons that they felt were compelling. I know women who chose not to have abortions when they had an unwanted pregnancy. They did not make those decisions lightly or without great deliberation. They are women of deep religious convictions. And I am grateful that they were entrusted to make those decisions themselves.
The point is that these are not black/white, right/wrong issues. They are questions that occur in a context that is unique, with a multitude of variables and considerations to think about and they require individual responses not blanket answers written into law by people who will not consider any position other than their own to be legitimate.
I am a Feminist.
To me, being a feminist means that you trust women to make decisions about their life choices and you don't set boundaries as to what they can attempt (unless it defies the rules of biology or physics -- things like flying or growing a third arm, though many a child will attest to a mother's ability to grow eyes in the back of her head). It means that you expect a woman to be responsible for herself and to be a complete, whole person who does not need anyone's permission to do what she believes is best, right, good.
As a woman who has spent her life in a profession that was traditionally a male occupation, I've dealt with a number of people who told me I couldn't do what I do because I'm not a man. They don't know what they're talking about. When I first began in ministry I had a colleague ask me, "Do you deal with feminist issues?" to which my immediate response was, "I AM a feminist issue!"
On the other hand, because I am involved in a fairly traditional institution, I have people who assume that I accept all traditional boundaries and gender stereotypes. Another colleague once said to me, "I don't want to offend you, but that sounds like a feminist attitude", to which my response was, "Oh, I am not offended! I am PROUD to be a feminist!" He didn't know how to respond.
I use the capital F because I am greatly offended by people who sneer at women who fight to expand the boundaries of choice, who refer to them as "femi-nazis" and think that feminist is a synonym for godless. I use the capital F because I want you to see the descriptor. The F is a scarlet letter in a lot of circles, and like Hester Prinne, I wear it without shame.
With that disclaimer in place I join in what should be a conversation but has become a battle of sound-bites about what are politely called "reproductive issues" but are, in my opinion, a battle over who has control of a woman's body in general and reproductive system specifically.
To me the current furor over definitions of rape, questions of if/when abortion should be legally available, and whether or not women are competent to make decisions about birth control is insulting, demeaning and at its core, misogynistic.
You don't need to have sex at the point of a gun barrel or a knife to consider it "assault". Any woman who's ever been pinned down under a man who outweighed her by 50 pounds knows that there are moments of terror when you realize you are not going to be able to stop him if he decides he's going to take you. It is not consent if you freeze or even if you give in to avoid being beaten into submission, or if you have been drugged, or are 12 years old.
To imply that any woman who finds herself "inconveniently" pregnant will cry rape to get an abortion unless you close that avenue is the very antithesis of compassion, not to mention common sense. Rape is about power and shame, not sex. Very few women willingly identify themselves as victims of rape when they HAVE been assaulted, let alone done it to get through some legal loophole. Yes, I have heard that there have been false accusations of rape. But I don't know anyone who's ever done it, so it must not be true (right, congressman?). And I believe that to force a woman to carry a rape-initiated pregnancy to term against her will is tantamount to slavery. It is to punish the victim in a way that is cruel and counter to the concept of justice.
I will say that I personally cannot imagine having an abortion. But I know women who have had them for reasons that they felt were compelling. I know women who chose not to have abortions when they had an unwanted pregnancy. They did not make those decisions lightly or without great deliberation. They are women of deep religious convictions. And I am grateful that they were entrusted to make those decisions themselves.
The point is that these are not black/white, right/wrong issues. They are questions that occur in a context that is unique, with a multitude of variables and considerations to think about and they require individual responses not blanket answers written into law by people who will not consider any position other than their own to be legitimate.
Or is it just me?
Okay, I guess I've officially crossed the line into grouchy old lady-hood. Does it seem to you as though everywhere you go there are screaming children?
At first I thought it was just me, attracting crying babies. But everywhere I go I am driven from the dressing room/store/mall/restaurant by screaming children. Crying babies, tantrum-ing toddlers, petulant preschoolers; they are everywhere. They are not just whining (as annoying as that may be), they are shrieking, wailing like banshees, howling. And the adults who are supposed to be carrying for them are completely indifferent.
I was a mother who tried to ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. But I did not inflict my children's bad behavior on the public. My children were not easy to take places. But when they started acting out, I removed them from the restaurant, the store. Even if it meant packing up my own now cold dinner in a doggie bag. Even if it meant leaving a cart full of groceries in the produce section. My theory was that if they couldn't behave in public they didn't belong there. I certainly didn't want them annoying other people. When they were little I picked them up if they were crying. I checked for wet/dirty diapers, tried a bottle, and held them. If that didn't stop the crying, we packed up and went home.
And of course the problem is that, having been a mother, I developed that nerve that alerts when it hears a crying baby -- but the shrieking child just makes me want to take the adult who's with them aside and ask them, "What is wrong with you? Can't you hear that child? Can't you discipline that child to teach him/her that this is not the way to get what you want?"
Here endeth the rant.
At first I thought it was just me, attracting crying babies. But everywhere I go I am driven from the dressing room/store/mall/restaurant by screaming children. Crying babies, tantrum-ing toddlers, petulant preschoolers; they are everywhere. They are not just whining (as annoying as that may be), they are shrieking, wailing like banshees, howling. And the adults who are supposed to be carrying for them are completely indifferent.
I was a mother who tried to ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. But I did not inflict my children's bad behavior on the public. My children were not easy to take places. But when they started acting out, I removed them from the restaurant, the store. Even if it meant packing up my own now cold dinner in a doggie bag. Even if it meant leaving a cart full of groceries in the produce section. My theory was that if they couldn't behave in public they didn't belong there. I certainly didn't want them annoying other people. When they were little I picked them up if they were crying. I checked for wet/dirty diapers, tried a bottle, and held them. If that didn't stop the crying, we packed up and went home.
And of course the problem is that, having been a mother, I developed that nerve that alerts when it hears a crying baby -- but the shrieking child just makes me want to take the adult who's with them aside and ask them, "What is wrong with you? Can't you hear that child? Can't you discipline that child to teach him/her that this is not the way to get what you want?"
Here endeth the rant.
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