Sacrificial Acts

Still thinking about Lenten discipline.

I am, at heart, a timid person.  I hate confrontations.  I always try to be the peacemaker, not for the sake of peace itself, but because I am afraid of conflict.  I just say this because I want to be honest about where this reflection begins.

As I thought about how I would focus my Lenten discipline in the light of the election process going on right now I kept thinking about how much of our culture is driven by fear.  I repeat here my basic conviction that the core of the gospel message is "Don't be afraid" and I was thinking about a Lenten discipline that would help me "fast" from fear.  How can I recognize when I am reacting to what is happening in my life out of fear rather than faith?  How can I "follow that fear" to its root, to recognize and name what I am afraid of, and then invite the love of God to displace that fear in my life?

So this is what I'm committing myself to do during this Lent.  I'm going to wear an elastic band on my wrist, and I'm going to do some periodic "check-ins" on my emotional state.  Any time I identify the signs of fear in my body I'm going to give the band a little "snap" on my wrist to snap myself out of that state and then I will ask God to replace that fear with love.

I'm also going to address situations that initiate fear/anger directly.  I will challenge people who perpetuate a fear-based response to life in an assertive, non-agressive way.  I will do this at least once a week.   I don't believe I will have to "manufacture"  occasions for this action -- I think I spend a lot of emotional energy in vauge, unacknowedged fear, a lot of it "caught" from others.  Normally I would just swallow it and walk away.  I'm not sure that's a loving thing to do.  In theory, at least, it would be more loving to invite that person to recognize their own fear and to leave it behind. 

I don't know if this is realistic, but I'm going to give it a try.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday

So the shroves have all been driven in and I'm still trying to decide how I will observe Lent.  As a pastor, I always wind up more focused during Lent as I'm usually adding an additional service each week (even brief, informal services require construction and reflection time as well as chasing down the things that are necessary to "make them work"); and I'm doing a spiritual discipline class or Bible Study on Sunday evenings for folks who want to do some focused work AND I usually have a baptism preparation class thrown in -- as I do this year.  In one congregation we met cooperatively with the UCC church and the Methodists during Lent for a 7 a.m. breakfast (!).  I always told my colleagues that just getting there each week was my Lenten penance.

For a number of years I encouraged people (and tried myself) to "take up" something for Lent - to practice a discipline that would deepen or broaden my spiritual life.  I've tried memorizing a psalm each week as a form of meditation; I tried to read morning, noon, and compline prayers each day.  And over the years I've given up candy, meat, tv (the HARDEST of all!) among other things.  In seminary a girlfriend used to suggest that we should give up sex, which given the reality that none of us ever had so much as a casual date would have been pretty easy, if not a true sacrifice.

All this was prompted by a Facebook friend who was asking for ideas about what she might give up for Lent this year.  She remarked that she tries to avoid things like "candy" or "chocolate" because she had learned she couldn't do it without thinking "I wonder if I'll lose weight now!"  As a pastor I've often counseled against giving up something for Lent (like smoking or over-drinking) that you should be doing anyway, and if you're concerned about your weight for health issues, you probably shouldn't be eating the candy anyway.  BUT, I'm not so sure that what we give up for Lent shouldn't be for our benefit.

I understand the whole concept of penance and of sacrifice during Lent as being a way of connecting with what Jesus gave up for us for our salvation.  But if we're giving something up or taking something up in order to strengthen, encourage, and deepen our relationship with Christ, isn't that for our benefit?  Are we falling into that theologically questionable duality that says taking care of our souls is "better" than taking care of our bodies, ignoring the sacredness of incarnation?  On this side of heaven we are enfleshed souls, declared "very good" by the One who made us this way, and there are more questionable practices than giving up something that will do you good body and soul, even if it's only temporarily.

I wish that, like the Greeks, we had more than one word for body.  To practice good stewardship of my fleshly body (soma) is not the same thing as living according to (sarx) "the flesh", or natural human tendencies.  To discipline yourself to do something that is good for your body is not the same as asking "What's in it for me?"  By the same token, to do something that is purely "spiritual", like praying three times a day in order to make yourself more holy is hardly living in a state of grace.

I do plan on embracing a spiritual discipline during Lent, and I'm thinking in terms of something sacrificial this year.  I have no idea what that will be.  But I'm thinking I want it to be something that reminds me that I am not saved by penance nor by understanding, but by grace; that I am a beloved daughter adopted by God's love.  Just as I am.  Just because I am.

I'll let you know what I finally decide on doing.