Limnal Reflections

I'll be honest.  I'm worried.

Of course worry is a family tradition, a gift handed on from mother to daughter through the generations.  I've known women who don't worry and I envy them even while I don't believe they actually exist.  Surely they MUST worry, secretly, maybe even unconsciously...How can you exist in the world without worrying?

I know that worry doesn't solve anything, doesn't prevent anything.  I know all the platitudes about how it only steals joy from today, but to be quite honest, if I weren't worried, I'd be worried.  I'd be worried that I wasn't aware of everything that was "really" happening, that I was going to miss something very important and it would ruin not only my life but the lives of everyone I love, the environment, and the cause of righteousness.  Yes, I know that I don't have that much power.  But one little twig can turn the river, right?

I am worried about the next four years.  I did not vote for the president-elect and I disagree with many of his proposals.  I dislike the way he talks about people who don't support him, about people like me.  But most of all I worry about not being brave enough to speak my mind, about not standing up for the principals that I say I do believe in.

I worry about my daughter, who has a pre-existing medical condition, losing her medical coverage and not being eligible for the treatments she needs, treatments that cost several thousand dollars a month without insurance.  I worry about my son who has beautiful brown skin, who lives in an area where most people do not have brown skin and where there is a history of racial violence, and I worry about the upswing in people who feel that they have permission to vocalize and act on their own fear of people who are different.  I worry about my husband and I having planned for the next two decades of our lives based on the structures of Social Security and about what we wil do if that structure is dismantled.

It's not a great way to start out the year, marinating in anxiety.  And I would be, I will be absolutely delighted if my fears are proved to be unfounded.  I wish no one harm.

I've said it time and time again:  the core of the Gospel message is "Be not afraid." So I'm trying to open myself to love to drive out fear, worry and anxiety.  And I'm trying to figure out what that will require of me in the days and months and years ahead.  After all, one little twig can turn the river.