Sometimes someone else just says it better than I can. I regularly follow beautytipsforministers.com, a great blog with the subtitle "Because You're in the Public Eye and God Knows You Need to Look Good." In the most current entry, PeaceBang, the blogger, writes about hospitality and welcoming people into our homes (and lives) in ways that are truly gracious. It's worth reading. But what set me writing was a comment about a story someone had heard in a sermon about an older woman who had died and left behind a full set of Spode china that had never been unpacked. Her adult daughter wept at the discovery, for she had not even known her mother had the china.
It reminded me of cleaning out my grandmother's apartment when she died. Now, Nanny had a very small apartment and she was very generous about giving things away. I never left her house as an adult without taking something home with me that she insisted I have -- an electric coffee pot, a cast iron skillet, a picture for my living room, a piece of jewelry...but when she died we found two items that made me very sad.
One we knew about. It was the pretty nightgown, brand new, with the tags still on it, that she had bought about five years earlier. She bought it so she would have something "decent" to wear if she had to go to the hospital. But any time she stayed in the hospital, she wouldn't let my mother bring it to her because she didn't want it to get ripped by a procedure or stolen. So this lovely nightgown just sat in her drawer.
The other was a beautiful Christmas candle, a six inch pillar that had a classic plaid design on the outside, including a thin windowpane pattern done in gold glitter. I know, it sounds a little tacky, but it wasn't. When I found it on the top shelf of her pantry, my mom said something like, "Oh, she's had that for years. She thought it was too pretty to burn." The wick was brand new. It had never been lit.
I understood wanting to use it as a seasonal decoration. And it was pretty. But I'm sure it wasn't a $25 candle or anything like that. And it made me sad that she had not had the opportunity to sit and enjoy the flame of the candle with a neighbor or by herself. I took the candle home with me and that Christmas I lit it to remember and honor my grandmother.
But I also decided that I would not die with unlit candles. If I'm going to buy something for myself I'm going to enjoy it fully. The ancient Greeks had a concept of perfection that understood that something was "perfect" (as in complete) only when it was used for the purpose for which it was intended. Candles are meant to be burned.
Many of us see something that we love and buy it but then feel guilty about it. But we don't return it to the place we bought it. We keep it, often hidden away, and feel guilty about it. We don't use it because we don't feel worthy of having it. It may be "too flashy", "too expensive" or "too nice" to use. But it seems to me that just having it is wrong all the way around.
It's not perfect unless it's used. It's literally useless (even though it may have great potential) unless it's used. So why would you spend good money on something that is absolutely useless, not even offering you the pleasure of appreciation?
And furthermore, if it is worth having it is worth you using it. You are worth the pleasure of using and enjoying it. If you can't, give it away or sell it! But I encourage you to wear the perfume on a daily basis, to put on the pretty blouse even if you're not going somewhere special, eat the special chutney, use the beautiful pen, light the candle. They are just things. They have no worth at all if they are not used. If you can't use them by yourself, use them when you have company or if you're going somewhere yourself. Honor yourself, honor those you love by using the "good china" of your life.
You know, yesterday in Bed, Bath, and Beyond I saw a candle and thought, "Oh, that looks like Nanny's Christmas candle!" I think I'm going to go back and buy it. And this Christmas Day I will light and give thanks for the gifts of love.
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